Smile, Smile during troubled times

It takes courage to smile during times of strife. This picture I took during the week when my father was admitted in hospital after he suffered two heart strokes. I am in Bangalore. He is in Faridabad, Haryana. With great effort I managed to pull up this bit of smile, heart is totally broken inside.


                                

Whole Wheat Pista Almond Biscuits (eggless)

When I am in stress, I bake. My father suffered from two heart strokes last week. The whole week was full of tension. Now, the doctors have put stents in his arteries to increase the flow of oxygen. My mind has been restless ever since then. Ttoday, he was discharged. I am in bangalore, miles away from him. Will be visiting him after two weeks. That's the disadvantage of staying away from your family. You can't visit as often as you like.

Nonetheless, I decided to take a pause and take my mind off from this constant fear of losing my beloved father. The feeling is like somebody withdrew the safety net from my head.

Ingredients-
Whole Wheat -1 cup
Butter (salted)-I cup
Sugar (castor sugar or powdered sugar)-1/3 cup
Milk- 2 tbsp
baking powder-1 tbsp
Almonds, pista-10-12

Procedure----

Mix all the ingredients in the bowl. Form the crumbling texture. Add milk and make a dough just as make one for roti.

                                
Roll it on the kitchen slab. Prefer keeping an aluminium foil below before you flaten the dough.
With the help of cookie cutter, cut out the 10mm thick dough into various shapes.

                                

Baking time and variation, OTG

Bake at a preheated oven at 180 degree celsius for 25 mins

25-15 mins-bake at 165 degrees
15-5 mins-bake at 175 degrees
last five minutes -165 degrees

                               

Hope you like it!

Fear of losing loved ones

Parents who complete a cycle of there life, reaching the end of a tunnel, awaits a dreadful death which can knock them anytime.

For the last three days, my father developed difficulty in breathing. He woke up sweating calling out to my mother who was in the next room praying. He couldn't breathe and said, ' Sab ulte seeedhe saans aa rahe hai'. For the first time he agreed to go to the doctor. That was enough for my mother to understand that the situation is grim and needs urgent attention. Luckily, my brother had returned from Orissa for a year and was sleeping in the room across verandah.

My mother quickly knocked the door and he helped him out to ease out the pain. They waited till morning before they could take any action. There is a hospital specialised in cardiology next to our home, my mother took him there. However, there was no substancial revelation there.

Two more days passed when his condition remained unstable. Then, my big brother took him to a bigger hospital where he was nebulised and the CO2 level was decreased and the oxygen level was restored.

I realised the following things:

1. It's so important to live near your parents. One can at least go and see them whenever one wants.
2. All the recent, past incidents flash past your eyes connected with that loved one making you more vulnerable. There is no cure to it.
3. One question that often pricks you is could you have behaved any better with people whom you love?
4. Sharing love and happiness with people are the most important assets. It helps in leaving good memories behind. Or else regret be it any haunts you forever in life.
5. You flutter like a fish out of water when you live away from parents and the uncalled for news reaches you.
6. Leave trivial, fight bigger battles.

Hoping my father survives this and remains fit for the next 50 years....

Escapism: Real vs Fantasy

Has it ever happened to you that you get transported to a different time zone and space where you fantisize about hidden desires?

Triggered by movies, books, real life situations, I effortlessely slip into a different world of my sweet desires. Like a director, I call the shots. I  remember falling in love with Mr Darcy during first year of college. He dominated my thoughts so much so his dialogues opened a way straight to my heart.

Escapism, therefore, is an abode where I have hidden for brief periods since I was a teenager. The time when you start fantisizing about the man you want in your life, things he would say or do to you, every little things is minutely thought and spoken out and felt till extreme degree. I feel like a teenager at heart every time escapism hits hard.

It is like a mini- vacation I give myself every now and then to experience things which otherwise are out of reach. It could be a perfect romantic date, career, anything which I truly want.

My mind enjoys the thrill of the unknown. However, there are disadvantages of doing so:

1. Two most expensive resources time and mental energy are invested
2. Disassociation with life, people, routine of one's own world 
3. Therapeutic yet ephemeral 
4. Lack of mindfulness
5. Isolation from social world, real conversations

Should you feel guilty? 

There is one life which has to be lived fully-parts in real, parts in dreams. Then, why not? Morever, it is a strategy to avoid pain. What I can't have, I experience through fantasy. Fantasy can be a good skill if one knows the way back to real circumstances. 

My world in my arms