Tweet it!

by Priyanka Chauhan

Today, we lost 17 of our jawans in what can be described as the dastardly act by terrorists. My father told, “It is a very sad for the nation today. Go tweet this on your handle”. Papa has never spoken of his desire to tweet an emotion before. It made me smile even at the time of crisis. Clearly, my old man has absorbed the language of media so much so that his outlook has also become more inclusive. Papa doesn’t use internet, social media at all. For him to suggest, ‘tweet it’ was as if a generation has come full circle in living abreast with the present times.

Wordless Wednesday

 The famous Cloud walk dome picture cicked from the topmost roof during Singapore sojourn.   Photo credit: me :)

The realm beyond words

                             by Priyanka Chauhan

     Image source-roseinthekitchen.com

Communication is without question the most important skill in life,’ says Stephen Covey, the world-renowned author and motivational trainer. It cements the fragile ties, fills in the gaps and recovers the lost sheen in any filial bond. However, is language the only requisite for healthy communication?

My three-month old baby has taught me that language is the least important faculty required to be in tete-a-tete with someone whom you accept. My baby, for instance, connects with me like no one has ever done. The reason is the bounteous use of the four letter word in our communication: Love.

The need to love and be loved is universal, isn’t? When we act in love without self-interest, our communication is of the highest possible level.

The late Dr Haim G. Ginnot, clinical psychologist and parent educator, wrote in his book, Between Parent and Child that the tragedy of wrong communication often lies “not in the lack of caring but in a lack of understanding; not in a lack of intelligence, but in a lack of knowledge…”

Powerless words-fractured relationships

Communicate rests on simple principles: understanding, acceptance and love. Sadly, these very basics are lost in daily vicissitudes of life where mere words make our world. They shape who we are and how we see life. They shape our response to situations, people and form our destiny. The words we use today become the life we live tomorrow. Are words able to penetrate into the soul of people and connect with them?

Our collective understanding of who we are, the values we stand for, the culture that defines us, the civilisation we belong to, is largely a creation of words. The worldview we inherit and that we take to be the truth has been handed down to us from society through words.

Connection based on mere words cloud real feelings; what is meant is not said and what is said is not meant! Sample the complexity and quality of relationships around us these days. A classic case of fractured verbal syndrome exists in each sphere of our lives.

In the world where my baby and I communicate, words have no place. The multitude expressions which adorn my tiny fledgling’s face, each enunciation conveys the profound intensity and urgency of his needs. The result is much better than words would create. Such is the power his expressions behold, boundless innocence commands.

For instance, if my baby wishes to be picked up or in need of a cuddle, he will convey so by flashing series of expressions on his face. His immediate need will be voiced in a span of few seconds. However, the urgency of his concern is proportional to the variability of his myriad expressions.

Whether hunger has knocked his tiny bell out or a wet nappy which needs change, crying conveys what words cannot. The skill lies in detecting and differentiating the varied versions of baby cry. Shrieks denote urgency and demands immediate response whereas mere sounds in irregular pattern could be just a request go out and be his playmate.

Body Language, an effective tool

Body language is yet another tool which babies deploy profusely to emote. When my son is excited, he expresses the feeling by moving his legs and hands rapidly. His eyes widen which are then yoked with cooing sounds like oooo, aeehhh, mum, awahh etc. indicating his other needs.

They say when a baby is born, mother is born too. As a mother, one learns to tune in to her child’s frequency. My son has also empowered me to learn this secret language of love; Something which I was also born with as an infant but forgot to use aplenty as I grew up.

Scientific and spiritual connection

The feeling is like that of a magician who can make the baby smile, pacify and comfort his pure soul. The magic wand is that of unconditional love which facilitates interaction at a spiritual level too. It is the intimacy of the two souls which adds depth and connect to each action in nurturing the other.

The efficacy of this fact is scientifically proven too. Neuro-linguistic programming (NLP) has a concept called ‘Mirroring’ which holds that in order to create harmony between us and the person we are talking to, we mirror their gestures, expressions and postures.

My son and I mirror each other’s verbal expressions. When I reproduce his coos, mumbled words and expressions, the result is no less than a rendition of some world-class poetry played out by orchestra. It is truly the infinite interaction with finite vocabulary!

Real communication is a lyrical ballad

Endless gabble defines the space which my kid and I cohabit. An interaction where he babbles and I understand. Yes, together we communicate! Aren’t these the grounding principles of real communication model taught in school?

The place where the symphony of feelings play a lyrical ballad castigating powerless words. A world where the tiny one’s creation of meaningless ‘meh meh’ carry profound resonance that even a litany of thousand words put together can’t deliver.

I feel if to be a woman is a thing of joy then being a mother is pure ecstasy! As one can bank upon what UNICEF describes as ‘social capital’ for building a better world with better understanding.

Need to open communication channels

I have learnt that unless communication channels that connect the separate, individual worlds are kept open and functioning to receive each other’s life-giving energies, we are doomed to loneliness, alienation and suffering.

Communication skills are vital for a joyous, successful and healthy life. And yet, let’s face it, we just don’t know how. We are unskilled at this most crucial of tasks. We blunder along, venting, reacting, insisting, dominating, manipulating, blaming, and withdrawing. With little or no awareness, we fail to register the other, or our own inner world, for that matter.

We can only communicate appropriately when we are in control over ourselves. To do this we must free ourselves of our fears and inhibitions; our assumptions and prejudices; our needs and desires; our past history.

The article was published in The Hindu

No Vaccination, please!

Yesterday was the third vaccination day for  you my kiddo at the Asian hospital. As soon as you lied on the doctor’s bed, you raised both your arms and craned your neck backwards to look at me with a clear expression of fear on your face. Your body was literally trembling. A strange episode which had never happened before.

The doctor asked me in amazement, “Has he ever done it before?”

Your Nani and I replied in negative.

In retrospect when I think, you were asking me to save you from those deadly injections which the doctor mercilessly gave you. The previous two times you could not express as you did now.

It was a miraculous gesture from your end my boy. I couldn’t understand it then.

Love you loads….

Mummy

Soul Speaks 

by Priyanka Chauhan

Dear Readers,

The Times of India sent home two books today. To know why, read . The first book was a compliation of  the best of The Speaking Tree published under this column by TOI called ‘The Best of Speaking Tree’.

Second one was Soul Curry, a collection of inspiring stories published in the Soul Curry segment of the Times Group.

It feels great to be rewarded in the safe walls of home. Since the delivery of my son, I am literally in a self-imposed house arrest mode, meeting the demands of the little one. Encouraging words or appreciation in any way definitely pushes me to strive harder and harder. A big thank you!

I have now decided to pen down my thoughts on ideas or stories from these books which strike my sensibilities. Look forward to this space for more.

The Ballon Man: Forlorn and Forgotten

by Priyanka Chauhan 

Decades back, the balloon man was a character straight out of child’s wonderland. For children, he was the richest person on this earth carrying the chromatic collection of a child’s fantasy with him. Dressed simply, the Balloon Uncle, shouting “balloons-balloons” on the streets would gallantly announce his arrival with a bugle. Young buyers filled with impatient demands would create outcry: “I want red; I want blue.” While some would point at a particular balloon (the seller had only one of each type), others tried their hands greedily at the strung colourful bonanza. Prized anywhere between Rs 1 and Rs 10, the seller had balloons of all shapes and sizes: heart, apple, pear, and ball, oval, tail twisted. Today, new age cartoons like Chota Bheem, Angry Birds and Dolphins are also found in his rich repertoire, recalls Priyanka to read the full article, click on the link given below:

The above article was written for Different Truths Magazine:http://differenttruths.com/potpourri/the-balloon-man-forlorn-and-forgotten/

Lessons from birds

         by Priyanka Chauhan         

Ever watched a bird building its nest? Day by day, from the time the sun rises to the time the sun sets, the proud parents diligently collect twigs and leaves, preparing to welcome the young one on its way.

I happen to witness this serene spectacle in my garden hedge. The mother bird saw, planned and conquered! She brought strands of dried twigs and chose a shrouded corner below the hedge to build its nest.

Having identified the safe spot to lay her eggs, she went on to accumulate resources. A strand after strand, the nest was built in no time. A physical strenuous task indeed!

Beautifully crafted nest covered with leaves was dangling just below the shrubs. Monsoon was just around the corner; an overcast sky was brooding and grumbling over the earth waiting to unlock the monstrous volley of tears. And here, the saga of curious kinship between the bird and its unborn chicks was about to eventuate.

The mother bird incubated her eggs for hours together braving the unstoppable rains. She was a perfect poised figure of solemn words, patience, resilience and endurance.

A close observation of how she reared chicks out of her eggs was an insight into the finer aspects of management like strategic thinking, planning, organising, executing and training.

Seconds curving into minutes, minutes unfurling into hours and hours finally melting into days paved the way for the two baby birds.

Soon the fledglings’ opened its teeny eyes, screeching and squealing for food, and the mother bird gently fixed her beak into the tiny mouth dropping the morsel, grain-by-grain (an extraordinary experience, beyond words and human telling, even impossible to capture in the lens!). It is a classic example of motherhood and parenting.

I had delivered my son just before the delivery of these birds; therefore, I could observe, understand and relate with this marvellous event closely. My mother remarked, “This bird is like another daughter who has come home for delivery.”

The economy of the bird’s self-sustaining systems unfolded lessons on perseverance, motherhood, independence, resourcefulness, sacrifice, love and hope.

Unlike humans, I felt the birds were in ‘present’ moment. Watching them led me to a state of thoughtlessness. They are willing to rebuild from the scratch: to pick the broken promises, heal the betrayed trust, and to give failed dreams another shot.

There was no respite from Monsoon. It rained again! This time for days together. The mother bird kept her babies warm by sitting on them. Her body heat was the source of life for the chicks amidst the turbulent weather. It was similar to the way my newborn would cling to me for safety and warmth.

My parents did a make-shift arrangement and kept a plastic sheet over the hedge to protect the nest from rains. However, the mother bird grew suspicious of such an adjustment. She would not enter into the nest and observed it only from distance while chirping with anguish. Probably, she saw the sheet as a threat. Help from outsiders was simply unacceptable to her.  A lesson in self-reliance indeed!

Sunshine set the flight training into action. The mother bird began teaching flying to the little ones. She was struggling with the chicks; the tormented voice seemed exhausted from giving directions and instructions to trainees’ who seemed to ask questions (suggested by their fervent chirpings).

It is therefore befitting, in this day and age, to see how the mother bird would respond to its childrens’ questions.

“Learn flying fast! We need to fly away soon,” said the mother bird.

The chicks asked, “Why do we need to leave the nest?  Why can’t we stay in here, mom? Cat won’t find us here!”

“But man will!” “It’s the man you should be wary of when I’m gone.”